BE YOU
I am enough
I was always quite impressionable as a kid. (All kids are I guess, so let me rethink that sentence...urrmmm ) I was never a leader as a kid, always a follower. Always a sheep following the rest of the herd. I wanted to be like the other girls, they were always so interested in fashion, makeup & hair etc & I used to pretend that I was too. But in truth, I didn't really care what I looked like. I remember my Mum always trying to dress me in pretty outfits and all I wanted to wear was a pair of jeans and this black and gold 'Golddigga' hoodie. She used to get so mad! (Soz Mum).
Throughout secondary school I had a lot of different friendship groups and I kept switching until I found the right one. Eventually, in Year 10, (when I was 15) I finally found the group of girls that allowed me to be the real me. Im not saying the other girls weren't lovely because we had some great times and I have some amazing memories from each and every group. But the group that allowed me to be the real me are the group of girls that are still some of my closest friends to this day. I found them in the girls toilets at school (it's true what they say about friendships being formed in the girls toilets!) and we hit it off straight away. We literally just bounced off one another, I didn't have to think about whether what I said 'was cool' or not, I could be my real self. They weren't the most popular girls, they weren't into fashion and make up and obsessed with the way they looked. They were normal girls (with a hint of crazy), who weren't afraid to be themselves and I admired that so much! They gave me confidence, lifted me up and also encouraged me to not only be me, but to be the best version of me!
BE YOU
I was always quite impressionable as a kid. (All kids are I guess, so let me rethink that sentence...urrmmm ) I was never a leader as a kid, always a follower. Always a sheep following the rest of the herd. I wanted to be like the other girls, they were always so interested in fashion, makeup & hair etc & I used to pretend that I was too. But in truth, I didn't really care what I looked like. I remember my Mum always trying to dress me in pretty outfits and all I wanted to wear was a pair of jeans and this black and gold 'Golddigga' hoodie. She used to get so mad! (Soz Mum).
My younger sister would always be playing with Barbie dolls, babies and Bratz dolls, dressing them up in different outfits etc but all I wanted to do was play outside on my bike, in the orchard near my house or take my dog on adventures into the woods. However, when I was at school I would always try and be like the other girls. I remember when I was in Year 5, (so aged 10) two girls invited me to an under 16's night at a local night club. The first time they went my Mum put her foot down and said 'no, absolutely not!' So I ended up missing out. The girls would talk about it all the time at school 'how cool it was' and 'how much fun they had together.. and I felt so left out. So when the next Under 16's night came up I made sure that I was definitely NOT missing out. I pestered my Mum, I pestered my Dad and I pestered them both some more, until they finally agreed to let me go. I got a nice dress, or at least what I thought was a nice dress... it definitely wasn't as nice as the other girls dresses but it did the job I guess. The day came - we were all so excited together, and it felt good to be involved. We all got ready together and took a Limo and drank fake champagne until we arrived at the club.
Oh my gosh, I got there and there was so many people queuing to get in and the music was blaring out so loud that the ground was vibrating. Im not going to lie, I was so scared and hated every second of it. I was only 10 after all and there were other kids there that were 16. It was so cramped, sweaty and dark and my shoes stuck to the floor as I tried to gently push my way through the crowd. As I tried to adjust to the unfamiliar and very scary environment that I was in, a boy squeezed my bum! Cheeky BEEP! It was such a shock! No one had ever done that to me before and I wasn't sure how to act. I remember looking back as an instant reaction and this boy (that was definitely nearer the age of 16 rather than my age) gave me this horrible dirty smirk. That smirk still sickens me to this day. I just wanted to leave, I did not feel safe and I hated every second of it.. but I stuck it out the whole night because I could see how much the other girls were enjoying it. Anyway the night finally came to an end and I eventually got back home and into bed, my safe place.
The next day at school its all the two girls could talk about and I tried to act as if it was the best night of my life (at the grand old age of 10 haha). This was the kind of thing I would do for years! I would go places, hang around with certain people just to 'fit in'. I would even share my dinner money with people... not because they bullied me into giving it to them but because I was so desperate for them to like me and I thought that might help me be part of 'the gang'. Looking back, its pretty sad that a young me felt this way. I would never do anything like this now, I am who I am and that is enough... but at the time it was the be all and end all.
Throughout secondary school I had a lot of different friendship groups and I kept switching until I found the right one. Eventually, in Year 10, (when I was 15) I finally found the group of girls that allowed me to be the real me. Im not saying the other girls weren't lovely because we had some great times and I have some amazing memories from each and every group. But the group that allowed me to be the real me are the group of girls that are still some of my closest friends to this day. I found them in the girls toilets at school (it's true what they say about friendships being formed in the girls toilets!) and we hit it off straight away. We literally just bounced off one another, I didn't have to think about whether what I said 'was cool' or not, I could be my real self. They weren't the most popular girls, they weren't into fashion and make up and obsessed with the way they looked. They were normal girls (with a hint of crazy), who weren't afraid to be themselves and I admired that so much! They gave me confidence, lifted me up and also encouraged me to not only be me, but to be the best version of me!
I owe a lot to those girls (you know who you are), they helped me realise that surrounding yourself with people that inspire you can change your whole outlook on life. I hear so often 'I wish I looked like her' or 'I wish I had a body like hers' and I used to think the same. I used to sit for hours on Instagram scrolling through all these 'picture perfect' women and it all it made me do was make me feel bad about myself. I would stand in-front of the mirror, compare myself to them and eventually I would just cry. But the reality is that these 'perfect' women don't exist. They have their doubts about themselves the same as everyone else does.
Being yourself and surrounding yourself with people that lift you up is such an important thing when you're struggling with self love and self acceptance. So it’s time to get rid of those friends that put you down, stop following those people on Instagram that make you feel bad about yourself and start immersing yourself in people that inspire you! Time to be yourself and start being the best you!
'Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life'.
LP x
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